|
FYI
|
Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 06:36 pm
|
|---|
|
FYI! FYI!
I have moved to a new livejournal! its at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) _hotelpaper_
so dont bother looking at this one anymore.. pish posh.. peas and corn.
|
|
oops.
|
Dec. 14th, 2004 @ 12:20 am
|
|---|
|
yeah, i know. i blogged twice in a small period of time. but i needed to address, somehow, the issue of my sickeness with confrontation. i hate it, that id rather just not go there now. dealt too much with it this past month.
there. that was it.
in other news, i went to my medicine cabinet in my parents room (its in a bedside table) and i saw a starbucks bag poking out from under the bed, and after lifting the cover, i discovered all the xmas gifts - club monaco, best buy, american eagle, gap, radio shack, hmv... hahahaha... i ddint look at any, just the stores theyre from. i dont wanna ruin any surprises, but my parents SUCK at hiding stuff... the bags werent even hidden, seeing as almost an entire bag from music world was visible.
(i wish i could choose two moods). i need a blankie. and a warm cup of hot chocolate. and my scarf. and a hug.Current Mood:  cold Current Music: Freak Out - Avril Lavigne |
|
*pout*
|
Dec. 13th, 2004 @ 10:42 pm
|
|---|
|
I dunno why, but like, the last couple hours, my mood has plummetted. i feel like crap - i have a headache/eye ache. my eyes always ache. grrr... i feel so... hmm.. i dont wanna say unclean, cuz i have showered earlier today and stuff.. i just feel grungy. i dont wanna do my history or drama.. fuck, there is so much shit for drama. our two person scenes on tuesday (mine will probably be wednesday) and our massive ISU due thursday. and i have a history test on thursday, plus a bunch of primary source documents i need to read as preperation.. uhh, i dont feel like doing ANYTHING. I HATE IT.
and i was in a decent mood earlier too.. like, 4th period sucked, and 5th i chatted it up with lindsay.. but generally, till like 9, i was feelin pretty good. now im all feeling crappy and upset and urrrggghh i hate mood swings. i just wanna sleep and wake up to find that everything's changed. and it's all good.. ive actually found waking up one of the hardest things to do the past couple days. not because ive been tired, just because i dont feel like starting it all over again.
yeah, and for some reason, from like, last thursday to today, ive been slandered in the halls. first time in a long long while. and its at a toptal WRONG time for me. like, usually, im able to brush it off and shit. and i still know theyre all jerks with nothing to do with their time, but i cant help but let it get to me.. maybe cuz i havent had to deal with it for so long, that all of a sudden, i dont have my guard up and it gets to me. like, friday, i was walking to the athletic council office with kelly, and i passed these two guys sitting on the ledge (one of whom i used to work with) and they started whispering and pointing and laughing, and as i turned the corner, one yelled "queer!".. like, friday was one day where i did NOT need to hear that. at all.
and today, i was going to get a pop from the machine, and two OTHER guys were sitting on the ledge, and again, as i approach, they start whispering and laughing and shit.. and i get my drink, start walking away, and as i do one guy starts making kissy noises, like macking his lips together at me. and i look back and hes laughing, and says "fag!"... and i was thinking to myself 'i thought i passed the stage where i had to deal with these jerks'... and ive never sene either of these guys before.. so what the fuck... ugh, dont ask why, it just got to me these two times..
*sigh*..Current Mood:  crappy Current Music: Emotions - Destiny's Child |
|
|
Dec. 13th, 2004 @ 12:54 am
|
|---|
|
stolen from eluamosnailo, who 'yoinked' it from clefbarton (who he doesn't actually know)
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal...along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you...
"Once they had resolved to defy their white officers, the mutineers seemed to run amok, killing every European they could find, often aided and abetted by local urban mobs."
Thats right. a history book, byotch. |
|
i wish i could play acoustic guitar. really. like, i think (maybe) i'll try learning.. when i can afford one, and feel like spending the time to teach myself cuz i cant afford lessons. but really, i really want to. if i could get my hands on a decent/cheap acoustic guitar, i'd go for it. music is such a great method of expression. i'd love to be able to play avril lavigne, michelle branch, john mayer.. gah, that'd be amazing. it would take time though. im not very musically inclined. too bad.
im listening to mariah carey. is this a bad scene, or what? -I don't wanna cry-.. i like hearing her belt it out.. forget the head voice.
so i added that picture of michelle branch to my LJ.. i tried adding a picture of me/group pictures but it wasn't working out, and i didn't wanna go and resize it or whatever. MB will do. love her. i think i want to start taking pictures again.. i slowed for the past 4 months or so.. theres only one roll of film to show for it. maybe ill try and take 'artsy' pictures, rather than just people. or maybe not. im so certain of myself eh?Current Mood:  okay Current Music: I don't wanna cry - Mariah Carey |
| » prodcutivity level = 0 |
|---|
all i've managed to accomplish in the past, say, 24 hours, is waste gas. and damage the environment in the process. i think i've played some of my music to the point where it has no effect, and my eyes are dry and tired from staring at this goddamn computer screen. but i have things to do. but they aren't urgent, and i'm not busy enough, and i simply cannot bring myself to 'manage' my time. drama presentation tuesday - need to memorize lines. drama ISU, which consists of 20 pages on greek theatre history - havent started. due thursday. history unit tes - thursday. need to do well to compensate my bad marks and poor seminar attendance lately.
|forgive me if i admit that i'd love to love you|
there, michelle branch, you get some recognizition in this entry. be thankful. i didn't go to work last night, and defenitly don't want to go tonight. and i don't want to go 'blaze' and shit with Kenny, Jess, Mike, and Mac before the dinner party. I also don't want to go to the Longo's front end dinner party. And i don't want to go downtown to some all ages club (Five), which basically is equivalent to a homo hop. i won't go to that. but i also don't want to go to barrett's xmas party tonight instead of the club. i dont wanna go and do anything. see? no productivity is my goal here.
|we both know that we want it, but we both know you left me no choice|
wow, more michelle branch. she should be extra happy. so today... well, i suppose i accomplished something. after going to bed at 3 am, waking up at 10.. being lazy and unproductive, i got myself out of the house for lunch at jack astors with sarah. that was fun. (thanks for taking me out, by the way. and you're welcome for the drive there and back. lol, jk!) i ate... but now i feel sick. i feel sick after just about everything i eat.
|is that too much that i'm asking for?|
there ya go. avril lavigne. sorry, michelle, but it's turn over time. i played with scotch tape all last night. and now i've rediscovered that enjoyment. it's so weird, but i just sat here playing with little bits of tape.. i felt so childlike, being amused the sticky things once again. i suggest you try it - it can seem theraputic, almost. i also enjoyed smelling my orange mr smelly highlighter. so amusing, and preoccupying, and unproductive.
|then you cam around me, the walls just dissapeared. nothing to surround me, or keep me from my fears. i'm unprotected...cause ive ever felt like this before|
more avril. old avril, though. gotta love listening to older cd's. i went to the mall last night, i decided i had to get out, somehow. i got Kelly and Lindsay's gifts, got an idea for Tryna's. of course, i got some coffee for myself. i also ran into Natasha and her sister in toys 4 u. Katie was also working. so i stood there and talked with them a bit about things such as scarves, creepy stalkers, and being immortalized in plastic. i also bought myself a cd (the new GC one.. its okay).
|i cant try any harder than i do, all the reasons i gave, excuses i made for you.. im broken in two. all the things left undiscovered leave me emoty and left to wonder... i need you, yeah i need you. dont walk away|
[so many songs have gained an entirely new meaning]. i got a scarf from the mall. i love it. its from AE, navy blue, with orange stripes. it is longer and wider than Natasha's (hah!) but not as soft. i haven't stopped wearing it. it's so comforting. i love just having it there. for whatever reason, i don't want to take it off...
|when im in the dark and all alone, dreaming that you'll walk right through my door, its then i know my heart is whole. theres a million reasons why i cry, hold my covers tight and close my eyes - cause i dont wanna be alone|
wow, lots of ashlee simpson, these past few lyrical entries have been here.. as is this one..
|cause i cant fake, and i cant hate, but its my heart thats about to break. youre all i need, im on my knnes, watch me bleed, would you listen please? i give in, i breathe out, i want you, theres no doubt. i freak out, im left out, without you - im without. im crossed out, im kicked out, i cry out, i reach out.. dont walk away. dont walk away. dont walk away|
ahh, undiscovered. what an amazing song. my parents wont quit. they know somethings wrong, and my mom wont leave it alone. ugh. now, almost time to work.. then go to the dumb front end party, not have a good time, then go to barrett's, not have a good time, come home, go on msn, listen to my music, and remain unchanged once again. it isnt coming out..
Dec. 11th, 2004 @ 02:44 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
something isn't right
Dec. 10th, 2004 @ 04:18 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
im dry. i have nothing. i have no means of expressing anything anymore. i have no more words. im so... done. im just done. not just today, not just yesterday, but the past 3 weeks. theyve been the biggest roller coaster of my life, with so much drama. and the past two days have topped it all off. im not blaming anybody for anything. im not mad at anyone. im just so done.. i have no more.
Dec. 10th, 2004 @ 12:05 am
|
| » the way it shouldnt be.. |
|---|
guh.. just make it all stop. its all like a neverending cycle of.. i dont even know what of. i just need a change, something refreshing. the past few days, yesterday in particular, have been... terrible, perhaps? mostly just yesterday.. i dont know if i should believe what is going on. i dont udnerstand how things can just happen this way, and fall apart. things that one would expect to survive. if you dont know what im talking about, its better that it stays that way.
i dont even think i can describe how i feel.. lats night drained all my emotions, so i have no more. all i feel is a weird, contained sadness, if anything. ive never felt so unfeeling before. maybe im being dramatic, and over exxagerating things, tomorrow it will seem better. but this isnt something that'll simply go away...
[i need someone to pick me up off of the ground]
Dec. 9th, 2004 @ 06:21 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
I'm having humongous mood swings today. When I woke up I was feeling very urgent (i don't know why) and I was rushing around and had a lot of energy. Then i kinda lost it during 4th period, and fifth period I was feeling talkative. Earlier, I was in the quirkiest mood, and I kept giggling a random things which really aren't funny. Now, I'm totally down and out of it. I don't feel like sitting here in my basement, so I thought I'd go and visit Jess at work, but then there was nobody at the desk so I didn't go in, just in case It wasn't her. Cause then I'd need to think of a a good excuse on the spot. So yeah, I really want out. Tim Horton's maybe? That seems to be a popular cure for me. I messaged Ang to see if she wanted to go, but she's on away so it could be a billion years until she replies. *sigh. maybe I should call her. lol.
All this time, amongst random excuses to get out of my house, including getting a haircut, taking my brother to Blockbuster, visiting Jess and getting gas (it was 69.8 cents! score!) I really really should be doing my drama ISU. I mean, it isn't due until next wednesday, but I know that the more I procrastinate it, the less I'll feel like doing it. I know I don't want to spend my weekend typing useless information about Greek Theatre History.
Dec. 8th, 2004 @ 07:39 pm
|
| » boing..boing..boing |
|---|
I'm off the walls. It's ridiculous how much energy I have right now. I think it's a mixture of getting up at 11 this morning, and having 3 coffee's and 1 tea over the course of the day. oops. Too much caffeine. Although I love the gingerbread lattes they have at Starbucks.
So why was I up at 11? Well, overnight (between like 3 and 5) i was up puking my brains out. It had to have been the Swiss Chalet delivery I had last night. Blah. Don't trust delviery... So i was sleepy, and ended up in bed till 11. Mom never woke me up, although she claims she did. At first, seeing the snow ojtside my window, I thought that by some weird chance I had been lucky enough for it to be a snow day. But then, i went downstairs to find nobody home and an inch of snow on the ground. Not a snow day. I was so fucked.. So iw as just about to leave when my mom got home, gave me the car, and told me to hurry to class. I skipped drama, just as well really, cuz Rosser was in a bad mood and would have bitched me out had I arrived an hour late. So i only went to 4th period today, and it was super boring. Then i went to tim hortons with Kelly and Meaghan during 5th, and Starbucks with Sarah after school. Mmmm, Gingerbread Latte...
I'm only starting to feel a tiny bit tired. I'll be up till 12:30 most likely, but that's to be expected.
Dec. 6th, 2004 @ 11:15 pm
|
| » Show me how much you can take... |
|---|
This weekend was soooo awesome! Not only was it 3 days long, but I also got the house to myself from saturday morning until sunday night. I loved the freedom that gave me. I could wake up, go to bed, whenever i wanted. Play music as loud as i wanted. Go out whenever i wanted. Always had the car. Could have anyone over at any time. yay! so saturday ngiht was my 'party'. meh, it was okay. nothing too fun, although i enjoyed myself enough. im addicted to QAF though, as a result of saturday morning.. Sunday was okay, kinda lazied around... went to tim hortons, and ended up at square one with mike? bad move - one of the last sundays before christmas. then i had to work, but that wasn't so bad. i fooled yet another quick change artist. hahaha, i love catching them. That's the second time. yeehaw.
im eating chips. no more now.
Dec. 5th, 2004 @ 11:35 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
I hate my hair!!! It was SUPPOSED to be dark brown, as the box colour was "Dark Mahogany". But instead, it's fiery red. Grrr.. And this was my natural hair colour too. It makes no sense at all! Grrr.. now I'm in a bad mood.
I don't like Christmas shopping so much anymore. It's so goddamn expensive. I bought gifts for two people, and it cost me 45 dollars. And there's still a bagillion people left on my list. Erg.
I want to sleep now. But I'm not even tired.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 @ 10:32 pm
|
| » Good Morning Cafe |
|---|
Mmmm, coffee. Didn't have any yesterday, so I'm quite enjoying it now. I need to buy some more, though. My Starbucks is almost gone, and I refuse to drink Folgers. Might as well be ground dog shit rather than cofefe beans. So why I'm blogging this early in the morning is an unanswerable question. I'm just bored I guess. Eventually I'll go out and get a haircut, then venture to the mall (maybe). I need to just get some stuff.
For some reason I'm in a very discontent mood right now. I like Let Go, though. Good album. I also like that new Killers song. Mr Brightside.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 @ 10:42 am
|
| » The closer you get... |
|---|
So yay, it's thursday, but it feels like a friday. Thank god for PA days. Today wasn't very interesting.. almost skipped drama, but ended up goping and making a funny skit on canadian stereotypes. Jess - Celine Dion will never get old! The in history, we handed in our non-summative essays. Then watched a boring videotape lecture on the Industrial Revolution. Only I didn't actually watch it, I planned what I was doing with Katryna tonight through notes. lol.
So work sucked, but what else is new? Jenn forgot I was done at 9:30, and I had to remind her. lol. Then I went to Dimitri's with Katryna, Meaghan, Kelly, Vivien, Tim, Sean, and Jordan. Mmmmmm, cheesecake, and coffee smoothy thing. Then we raced each other back, and team Kelly totally won! Yeah! Go Team!! even though speeding down upper middle at 110 is illegal... we still won!
Then we watched some Forrest Gump, and I like fell asleep, so decided I'd come home. That's it. Very uninteresting. Oh well, weekend will be good! Parents gone! yay!!! as long as I don't end up with a hole in my wall.... yikes.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 @ 12:13 am
|
| » Get on the floor.. |
|---|
So today was our drama night!! It was actually a lot better than I thought. But it sucked at first cuz we found out that Rosser wouldn't even be there!! He got sick, and it's so dumb because he wanted to do this thing the most of all. It ended up being chaos, but whatever. But all during 3rd we practiced and enjoyed our 80's CD. By the end of the period, everyone else in the class was watching us! They all thought we were hilarious. So after that we felt really good about it. But after school when we practiced in front of the grade 9's, there was no response at all! Ms. Blair's bitchiness didn't help either. But we felt like we totally lost it that time! Same with the next time we rehearsed. So we were feeling pretty shitty about it. But when it actually came down to the performance, I thinkit's safe to say that we rocked the casba. People told us we were one of the best of the like.. 40 shows that went tonight. It felt so good after. Even though this damn thing wasn't for marks, just doing it and having it go well was really awesome. i think it helped that we had so much fun while actually practicing and performing it. It's a fun play..
Other than that, i just finished my history essay. But I also learnt today that this sucker ISN'T EVEN A SUMMATIVE. Everyone thought it was a part of our summative, along with the seminar, but it turns out they never were, and Ms. Pressey simply sucks at explaining things. Ah well, it's done now. Took forever though. I started listening to Avril's old Let Go album, and fell in love with it all over again. I missed Losing my Grip, Mobile, Tomorrow, Too Much to Ask, Naked, and most of all, Things I'll Never Say. That's such an awesome song, and I can totally relate to it.
I'm feeling nervous, trying to be so perfect, 'cause you're worth it, I know you're worth it.
If I could say what I wanna say, I'd say I wanna blow you away. be with you every night, am I squeezing you too tight. If I could say what I want to see, I'd wanna see you go down on one knee. Marry me today. Guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say.
Okay, well, minus the marry me part. Not ready for that yet. lol.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 @ 12:29 am
|
| » Foolish Games |
|---|
So, I think everybody has reached the conclusion that it's time for all the shinnanigans to end. I for one am so tired of all these goings on, and it would be so wonderful for it to end. I think that's the way it's gonna go, everyone is so sick and tired of it. I think we all just give up now.
I'm tired. What else is new though? Damnit, the drama night tomorrow is such bullshit. I don't wanna do it.. it's a waste of an entire night, and it's all so Rosser can get more parental support for drama, and some possible corporate sponsors. It's gonna be so long and boring, the parents are going to kill themselves. And my group isn't close to being ready. That's what tomorrow after school is for. *insert expressionless smiley here*.. Yay, I just burned an 80's CD for drama, and now I'm tempted to burn a CD for me. I don't have enough new songs yet though. Crap! I need to bring a costume in for drama tomorrow. That sucks.
I'm so dead tired. But not just physically, I think I'm also fed up with all this drama, and the stuff with my parents, that I feel almost entirely out of emotion. It's all drained me entirely. I need replenishment with good feelings... I can think of a few people who could do that for me. *smile*
Dec. 1st, 2004 @ 12:00 am
|
| » sigh |
|---|
what a terrible terrible day. i'm in such a crappy mood. so much to the point where i don't even wanna start. i don't even care. so much is falling apart right now. friends, family, work is all screwy in relation to family (not gonna bother explaining), and school will be fucked up too, as of tomorrow. that's because i have a history unit test tomorrow, and i have barely looked at my stuff. i don't even fucking care.
ah. i have so much to say, yet this is gonna be the shortest blog entry yet.
let's see what else can get screwed up today? there certainly isn't much left, that's for sure.
urg.
Nov. 29th, 2004 @ 08:51 pm
|
| » Toxic |
|---|
I love what you do, don't you know that you're toxic.
Britney of the Spears. I'm so glad you kept you're maiden name, instead of Britney Federline. That sounds ugly. Therefore, she wouldn't sell albums. All about image, folks. Keep up here.
So, I've been meaning to blog about this for awhile. It's Matt's internationally acclaimed opinion on relationships!! (not really acclaimed by anyone). I dunno, I was just sitting with Tryna in taco bell thinking, and then I came up with my weird theory. I told her, and she agreed, although it has some flaws...
So basically, in order for a relationship to last, one thing that is necessairy (I believe), is passion. I like that word. Passion can come in many different forms. For example, there can be passion involved in arguments couples have. I've noticed that in many cases, arguing is healthy for relationships. Strong arguments between two people exhibits passion. Then, there is emotional passion. This can go a few ways. But generally, emotional passion would be feeling sooo strongly for someone, to the point where the words they say totally alter your mood. This could also be considered a passionate connection. This kind of passion can die more easily i think, as time passes. This is because that "new" feeling fades. Finally, there's that typical interpretation of passion - the lustful, or sexual side. This one, I think, is very important in any relationship. This can be linked with argumental passion, because it's a great way to make up (make up sex!). But being in 'lust' with someone can certainly prove long-lasting. If all else fails, it can draw two people together.
So. Passion. Gotta love it. The word itself seems passionate in a way. The way it sounds. But having passion is important. Couples which lack it in any form, will either end up getting bored, or, as it has been seen, one will stray and look for comfort elsewhere (usually of the sexual kind).
That's all I've got to say. That was corny. But hey, I had to say something in this boring blog of mine.
Nov. 26th, 2004 @ 12:08 am
|
| » Diet Coke Fantasies |
|---|
That was an interesting title. Hrm. It all stems from my unnecessairy drinking of a small diet coke which I got from McDonald's, thinking Josh would be working. Oh-ps.
I;m nervous for drama tomorrow. I really wish I could have gone today. That would have been good, but it takes a lot longer. It always takes longer than anybody expects.
Today sucked, in general. There's a bunch of reasons why, but it sucked. I'm excited to drink all my 'suckies' away this weekend. That's bad, but I frankly don't care! Lol. I'm listening to Gwen again, even though she's so odd. Why do I have so little to blog about? Things always happen in this life of mine, but for some reason I'm out of words for tonight. Maybe later on I'll be more wordy. Maybe this all stems from me not having my coffee this morning. What a horrible deprivation that was. I made up for it with a grande vanilla latte from Starbucks, and a medium cafe mocha from Timmy's. And a chocolate chip muffin, and a chocolate glazed donut. Oh health. Why do I care so little about you?
Nov. 25th, 2004 @ 09:37 pm
|
|
